We have been 'taught' that the focus for successful relationships is to give. We have been 'taught' that 'giving' proves that we are not selfish, and that this is 'very important' as 'being selfish is the fastest way to lose lovers and friends alike'. We have been 'taught' that giving makes you feel good and is good, is very very good. So, if giving is 'good', what then becomes the 'bad'? The answer is you do! You see your Self as 'bad' unless you're always 'giving'. Other people openly pass judgements on those who have been determined as not giving enough. So, you keep on giving, you give, give, give, give.
The purpose of everyone & everything in your life is to bring you back into love.
Focusing on giving actually becomes an act of self absorption. Focusing on giving leads to your mind becoming filled with a running narrative of: 'Am I giving enough?' 'Am I giving too much?' 'How do I give openly and generously and avoid being taken advantage of?' 'Am I giving more to them than they are to me?' And that's even before we start thinking about whether another is 'giving to get something from me', or giving as obligation, the refrain running around our head of: 'If I'm a loving person then I should give this'.
I, I, I, me, me, me. Where is the other person in this narrative, in this running refrain? If the focus is only on giving, then the only relationship you are having is with you and your neediness, with your need to be seen as 'good', as 'good' enough. Where is the other person, where is love, where is intimacy? With what and whom are you actually having a relationship?
A loving relationship is the experience of engaging with another. A loving relationship is a reaching out across the divide which creates a new loving experience for both of you. A loving relationship creates not only love for you both, but also for those around you, and ultimately for the entire cosmos to receive and thus experience. And there's the key, if you are not receiving love then you are not experiencing love.
We and the cosmos create love through the act, through the energy of receiving love. For something to be experienced it must first be received. For something to be created it must first be experienced:
- we receive love,
- we experience that love,
- from that experience of love we create love,
- from that creation of love we experience our Self as love,
- we are now open to receive love, and so the cycle continues.
Remember, love is an energy. If an energy is not having an experience of itself then it cannot recreate itself, and the only way for an energy to experience itself is to receive itself. (see How To Live As Your Soul).
Our love, our relationships of love are created and experienced through receiving. In truth, in the reality of your soul, love, the energy of powerful, healing love is created through receiving.
This is how the energy of receiving works, this is what the energy of receiving creates. This is what your experience of your relationships can be if you choose to practice the art of receiving, This is the 'Virtuous Circle' of relationship:
When you choose to receive from another, the energy of connection is created,
As you are connecting with another, the energy of intimacy is created,
As you become intimate with another, you experience connection with your own soul,
As you experience your own soul connection, you are now able to experience your connection with another's soul.
This is love!
A huge part of our purpose here is to receive from one another, to receive our soul's connection. When we are not aware that love is experienced by us as receiving, then we are not able to experience our connection with each other. If we are not able to fully experience our connection with each other then where is intimacy? If we are not able to fully experience our intimacy with each other then where is our connection with our souls, with the love of our souls?
If our focus, if our intent is on giving to, rather than receiving from, one another then we are not allowing each other to be experienced, and if we are not allowing each other to be experienced then we, our love, is not present. We are not allowing each other to present us with, to make a present of, the gifts of love we have for each other. How can we trust, how can we feel safe with each other if we are excluding each other from receiving our gifts of love? In other words, if we are not receiving from one another then we are getting in the way of each other from fulfilling our purpose
Imagine how you and your body feels to be attempting to engage in relationship with another when your soul purpose is being occluded. How 'safe' do you feel now?! If you are not feeling safe, then you will, albeit unconsciously, throw a cover of 'protection' around your heart, and so close your Self off to the openness of intimacy that is your soul's connection, that is your love.
Love is what occurs when two hearts, two souls are willing and able to receive from one another.
As you focus on receiving from another you begin to see that most of your 'giving' is actually a cunning disguise to avoid intimacy, to avoid being 'seen'. Giving does not, and cannot in and of itself, beget intimacy. When you are involved in the act of giving, however altruistic that may be, unless you are giving of your Self, which is an act of receiving, then you are giving for your Self, which is an act of needing.
If you are in a state of need then you automatically take the lead, you, consciously or not, start to frame the agenda of the relationship, which is a polite way of saying that you present another with a list of your 'demands' that they have to fulfil before you feel 'safe' enough to receive their gifts of love.
So now there is no real communication or exchange between you, just a 'Mexican Standoff' - "I'm not going to be receiving anything from you until you give to me what I need from you to make me feel safe." You are putting your Self ahead of, in front of another, you are placing your neediness in between you, and so you are separating your Self away from another. In other words, you are placing your Self out of connection with another. Intimacy, your soul's connection, is all about letting another in.
Of course, that's not to say that you shouldn't be giving, it's just that until you really underStand how to receive, then your giving is going to be emanating from your needs or neediness, rather than from your love, rather than from your gifts of love. Giving from your needs or neediness is the giving for your Self, and becomes the separation of your Self, the separation of your soul from the Self and soul of another. Giving from your love, from your gifts of love is the giving of your Self, and becomes the connection of your Self and your soul, with the Self and soul of another.
We have been 'taught' that we have relationships with other people, but actually we have relationships with love, with all the myriad forms and expressions of love. We are all love, however we are behaving, we are all our own unique and glorious expressions of love. Our bodies are all made from the array of the Expressions of love (see The 12 Relationships of Your Soul) and so we can be nothing other than the Expressions of love from which we are formed. We can (and do!) behave as if we were not love, but that still does not alter the fact that we are love.
Receiving another (receiving their gifts of love), means that you are receiving a relationship of and into love, it means that you are having a relationship with love. And having a relationship with love means that you can be of the Expressions of love that you are. Having a relationship with love means that you can be the love of your soul. How much easier is it to see, to experience the love that you are, when you are having a relationship with love?
It is for the receiving of their gifts of love for you that another has stepped into relationship with you. Receiving their gifts of love gives you the experience of the love of your soul. This is the purpose of all relationships.
The more you choose to receive another, the more that you can receive your Self, and the more that you can receive your Self, the more that you can receive another. Receiving creates a 'virtuous circle' of ever expanding and embracing love. Receiving is an ever expanding embrace of the love that you are, of the love that you have for them, and of the love that they are and have for you. All of this gorgeous love becomes present, all the love of your soul becomes your present to unwrap and enjoy, when you receive the gifts of love that another is here to present you with.
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Written by Kim Hutchison, Wednesday June 24th, 2015