Let me state from the get go here that this is not a series of 'parenting guru' articles. These are a series of articles about the fundamental energy agreements made between parent and child before either were born here on this Earth.
When we are able to remember these agreements then our parenting becomes that of its greatest love, that of co-creation. The co-creation of how we agreed to parent our children, the co-creation of what we agreed to experience with our children, and the co-creation of which of the myriad expressions of love we agreed to be present in, and receive from our children.
What does this actually mean, how does this assist us and our children, and why should this be so?
When we first decide that we wish to become a parent, often the next feeling is something like, 'Oh god, I hope I don't (or even do) become what my parents were to me!' This is natural and has the potential for profound healing for you, the parent.
Yet often we are taught to place this focus on the child. We are taught to ask of ourselves, 'what can I do for my child?' This focus, on doing for the child, removes our attention from the real gift that we have as parents to give to our children, which is brought into reality by the question, 'what gifts of mine has this child come here to receive from me?'
Also, taking the focus off you as the parent, and by extension off your parents too, enables you to to shift your parenting focus from the concerns about how good or bad a parent you may be, to what it is that this particular, unique being, your child has chosen to receive from you.
Placing your parenting focus on what your child has come to receive from you, rather than on what you feel you are supposed to do for your child, allows a profoundly loving and healing relationship to bloom between you. After all, you wouldn't tell a plant off for not growing correctly and for showing you up in front of all those who visit your garden would you? And you wouldn't become distressed about this plant not growing quickly enough or the colour of its flowers being not quite the right shade, would you? And why not? Because it would have absolutely no beneficial effect on the plant. And further, all that the energy of the plant is going to feel/connect with whenever you approach is 'Uh oh, here comes the stressed out loony!' - which is hardly conducive to the growth, strength, health and beauty of the plant, let alone you!
Well, imagine if this is what your baby experiences when they experience you 'forgetting' about all the wonderful gifts they have come here to receive from you, and getting instead a list of all your 'shoulds'. 'I should do this, I should be doing that'. Pretty perplexing!
Of course, our children are also here to assist us in bringing to healing our non-lovefull behaviours, but that is for another article in this series. The first step is just to let your Self off the hook about needing to be, having to be this mythical 'perfect' parent. Your child has come here to experience your gifts, your unique gifts of love and those cannot be given if your focus is on being the best parent you can be etc etc. Your baby, your child doesn't want or need you to be the best parent you can be, your baby, your child is simply waiting patiently for you to give them the unique and beautiful gifts of your unique and beautiful love - in whichever forms those are created and manifest. Your children chose you as their parent to receive those gifts. This is a big part of the agreement made between you before you and they came here to this Earth, so why not honour it?.
So, what are your unique and beautiful gifts that your child has come here to receive from you? (If you have more than one child, you will find that each of them are here to receive their own particular gift list. There will be commonalities and there will be a gift or two pertinent only to an individual child).
The next article in this series will explore ways in which you can identify more of your unique gifts and how to give them. In the meantime, you may like to prepare to enter into your meditative state (see How To Get Back Into Your Body) and breathe gently and deeply whilst reflecting upon the following questions.
Just let your Self see/feel/know/sense what gifts arise as you write down the first things that come to you when you ask of your Self:
- 'What are the things I most enjoy doing?'
- 'What are the things I do effortlessly?'
- 'What are the things I am most adept at?'
This is the beginning of your remembrance of the gifts that you have come here to give to your beloved children. The next step is just to begin to give them, to simply give to your children these gifts of who and what you are. Your focus is now switched to that of the giving off your gifts. Just give them, nothing else, no need to do anything else, and watch what happens. Watch, sense and feel the joy and delight arise.
With much love,
To receive the next article in this series, 'Step 2. Giving of Your Gifts', please Subscribe
If you feel that this article may be helpful to others, please share it. (Option buttons below).
Written by Kim Hutchison, Saturday June 27th, 2015